


i'd give up forever to touch you

by thisisfreaky



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Billy Hargrove Is Bad at Feelings, Desire, First Kiss, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, POV Billy Hargrove, Pre-Season/Series 03
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-24
Updated: 2020-11-24
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:14:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,034
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27694681
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thisisfreaky/pseuds/thisisfreaky
Summary: "Billy ached, just like the ocean does the shore, for Steve Harrington. But, why would he ever want him back? He was just the asshole who scared those nerd kids, beat the shit out of him, then got taken down by his kid step-sister."
Relationships: Billy Hargrove/Steve Harrington
Comments: 6
Kudos: 101





	i'd give up forever to touch you

**Author's Note:**

  * For [aspartaeme](https://archiveofourown.org/users/aspartaeme/gifts).



> certainly not my first harringrove fic (simply the one that i've decided not to delete right away). also i wouldn't have finished without aspartaeme's feedback

****I** ** ****

_He's pretty_ , that's one of the thoughts that ran through Billy's mind when he saw Steve for the first time. 

Sure, the boys in California were pretty too. The ones that always had Billy wrapped around their fingers looked the same. They were tan, hard bodied, and too old for him. Each and every time. The type of boys that should have been chasing girls that weren’t remotely as pretty as him. Yet they found Billy and he found himself heart broken. Every goddamn time. He’d hear Neil’s voice in his head afterwards. _Faggot, pussy, whore_.  
  
  
And then they'd leave.  
  
  
  
Everyone always fucking left Billy. One way or another. Whether it was his mother or all the boys who whispered sweet things to get him on his knees. 

  
  
So Billy started leaving too. He'd leave bruises on faces, holes in walls, and teeth marks below his lip when he had to stifle his moans at night. But he wasn't thinking about the girls who wanted to bend over for him in the backseat. Never about the girls who drooled at him as he walked down the hallways at school. It was always about Harrington. Pretty boy. Former king. 

_You're a desperate piece of shit. Harrington only likes girls, the ones with soft lips and feisty personalities._  
  
  
  
Just like tonight it was about Harrington and tomorrow it would be too and the next day. That sick desperation clung to him like the smell of cigarette smoke. Another habit he should quit. Though like all the things that ruined Billy - he kept chasing. 

  
  
Billy closed his eyes as he came all over his fist.

* * *

****II** ** ****

  
"Get the hell outta my way, Hargrove. I'm not in the mood," Steve grumbled at Billy as he cornered him outside of a shitty party at some girl's house. Someone that Billy didn't bother to remember the name of.   
  


Billy took that as a challenge because of course he did. "Or what _King Steve?_ You got a date with that bitch Wheeler? Unless she's still with that Byers kid."  
  
  
  
He watched Steve's fingers flex like he was itching for a fight just off that comment alone. Billy certainly wouldn't mind tasting blood tonight, it'd be the most fun he had all week. "Go on."  
  
  


_Please touch me again. I fucking need it._

  
  
"What?"  
  
  
  
"You can hit me once to make it even between us. I know I kicked your ass that one time -"  
  
  
  
Steve scoffed and had a look of disgust on his face. "Kicked my ass? You nearly beat me to death in front the kids."  
  
  
  
"And Max shoved a needle in my neck. I think I learned my lesson." Billy searched Steve's eyes, which weren't all that forgiving. "Look, Harrington. I'm giving you an opportunity that I won't be giving again. I'm really not known to be generous, at least not in this department." He gave Steve his signature wink and it only made the brunette roll his eyes.   
  
  
  
_Just one touch. Even a touch like this.  
  
_

A sort of twisted disappointment settled inside him as he watched Steve turn around to go back inside. Billy didn't know what he actually expected. At least he had a good view until Harrington disappeared into the house.   
  
  
  
When he was completely alone, aside from the drunk girls stumbling out and puking all over the grass, Billy stomped over to the closest tree and punched it a couple times. The tree wouldn't deny him anything. By the time he was done, his fist was crimson, and he tasted salt in his mouth. He didn't even realize he was crying. 

* * *

****III  
********  
********  
********  
**** Billy ached, just like the ocean does the shore, for Steve Harrington. But, why would he ever want him back? He was just the asshole who scared those nerd kids, beat the shit out of him, then got taken down by his kid step-sister.   
  
  
  
He was nothing. Nothing to former King Steve. And fuck, did Billy want to be everything to him. It was disgustingly desperate to want someone that badly. A person that you'd destroy the moment you got them. He was pure destruction, a tornado that brought everything up and sent it crashing to the ground.   
  
  
  
Some pop shit was blaring at the house party Billy reluctantly came to. The invitation came from some girl named Hannah, who was clearly interested in him. Probably thought him taking her into the Camaro to screw her brains out. It was always the wrong people that wanted Billy. In Hawkins, where the hicks came out to play, it was the girls who popped pink bubblegum and wore tacky outfits.   
  
  
  
If Billy were _normal_ and actually wanted girls then he would’ve fucked Hannah already. Would have ignored her terrible dancing and sweet soaked breath just to get her legs around his back. She would have bit down on his shoulder and came for him multiple times. Instead he was stuck awkwardly watching her dance and make eyes at him. Her tits were practically hanging out of her pale pink dress. Something that seemed so out of place for a hick town like Hawkins.   
  
  
  
He didn't even pretend to feign interest in her and simply poured himself a shot of some cheap ass vodka. Billy didn't even care that he had no idea what the brand was. And he sure as hell didn't care if he had a headache in the morning. The shot glass was holding hell but the drunkenness would be heaven. A way for him to forget about the fact that he missed curfew because of this party. How Neil was going to give him something to remember once he got home. And how Steve Harrington didn't even bother to show up to this boring party.   
  
  
  
_Why would he? Not like he hangs out with anyone but Max and her geek friends. Which is still pretty damn weird._

  
Billy poured himself another one and another one. Until the bottle was damn near empty and someone beside him swiped it away. He heard them mumble how he was being a greedy bastard. Somehow he was too drunk to care.   
  


* * *

****IV** **

Billy parked the Camaro in what he considered to be his spot. Next to nobody ever came out there and it's where he found himself escaping. Coming home from that party reminded him why he shouldn't have gone. He didn't even get to see who he wanted to and the hangover was more painful than the punches.   
  
  
  
He cupped his jaw and winced at the pain. What if he just ran away and went back to California? Maybe he'd find his mom and she'd tell him she was sorry for leaving him behind. For leaving him with Neil. He'd get to bury his face in her hair, which always smelled like flowers. And she'd smile at him like he brought the sun home with him. Everything would be alright. He'd finally be alright.  
  
  
  
Sure, Max would miss him. She'd probably stare at his place at the kitchen table and hope he'd come home. That alone wasn't enough though. No matter how close they'd gotten after she almost nailed his balls to the Byers' floor.   
  
  
Billy shook the thoughts out of his head and reached for his pack of cigarettes. Only to find there was only one left and it was already partially smoked. He groaned and took his lighter out and put the cigarette in his mouth. Only to be startled by someone coughing.  
  
  
  
He turned around to find Harrington standing there with his hands in his pockets. _Look at this fucker, all preppy and pretty._ _  
__  
__  
__  
_ "What do ya want, Harrington?" Billy tried to pretend he didn't care that Steve was there in the first place. "Last I checked it's late and it's not good for pretty boys like you to be out here. Never know what could happen. Especially in a hick town like this."

  
  
  
Harrington lightly chuckled at that. "Maybe I'm out for the same reason you are."  
  
  
  
"I doubt that."  
  
  
  
"Why? You don't know what I'm goin' through or have gone through. All you know is that I was popular before and now I'm not."  
  
  
  
"Well maybe..."Billy lit his cigarette finally and took a drag then blew it in Harrington's direction. "you need to stop hanging out with middle school nerds all the time. Maybe you'll crawl back up to relevancy."  
  
  
  
"Nah. I don't really care about that anymore. And believe it or not those kids are more than what they seem. This town...it's not what it seems either." Harrington's voice sounded so far away.  
  
  
  
Billy still had no idea why Harrington, Steve, was out tonight or why he was speaking to him. They weren't friends. Steve seemed to only tolerate him and that was it. Where as Billy was knee deep in his thoughts about the guy. It was pretty pathetic and the way Steve was looking at him made Billy wonder if he knew. Maybe he knew every little thought in his head. Billy finished his cigarette and Steve carefully watched him snub it out.   
  
  
  
For whatever reason, Steve decided to stick around. He leaned across the front of the Camaro and told him about why he was out there. Something about needing some fresh air to think. _If only that were my only reason for being out in the fucking cold.  
__  
__  
__  
_ They talked about random shit and what the summer was going to bring. Billy told him about the job at the pool that he was looking into, how he swam like a fish. And Steve was considering finding a job himself. He talked about how daddy thought he was a failure and how he wasn’t going to college. It didn’t take Billy not going to college for Neil to see him as a failure.  
  


  
”Max’s been worried about you,” Steve blurted out, his eyes staring off into the distance.

  
  
_Of course she has. That little shitbird doesn't know when to leave it alone._  
  
  
  
”Oh yeah? She say anythin’ specific or are you just speculating?”  
  
  
  
”She told me that you’ve been acting weird lately. Weirder than usual obviously. And that, uh, you haven’t been as much of an asshole. Can’t say I wasn’t surprised to hear that Billy Hargrove wasn’t being a total dick.”  
  
  
  
There wasn’t much bite in Steve’s words. Billy knew how to chomp with his words and nothing about that sentence felt vicious. _It almost seems like he gives a shit.  
__  
  
_

Billy wished he had another cigarette to keep his hands busy. “You been hanging out here with me because you care? Or you just making sure I don’t drive myself off a cliff for Max’s sake?”  
  
  
  
”Can it be a little bit of both?” Steve questioned softly.

When Billy turned to look at Steve he felt the desire pull at him. All he does is want and want and want. “I guess it can.”

* * *

**V**

Billy got closer and closer to Steve after that night. In fact it felt like he was too close and it scared him. Standing too close to the sun always killed somebody. And Steve burned too bright for him.  
  
  
So Billy did what everyone else in Hawkins seemed to do - he went to a shit party to forget. Though as soon as he got there, he immediately regretted it. Tommy was chirping in his ear all night. Carol was too busy trying to get Tommy’s attention when he wasn’t slamming back shots. And Billy felt suffocated.

In the beginning he would have ate up the attention and got the crowd roaring for him. Just like when he did the keg stand on Halloween. That time wasn’t even his personal best, but they ate it up anyways. That’s what sheep did. Now Billy didn’t care about the roar of the crowd or the pats on the back. It didn’t bring him anything. And all he ever cared about was getting Steve's attention. From being a dick on the basketball court to stealing his crown.   
  
  
All of it was about Steve and Billy thought he made it obvious when he said: _I've been waitin' to meet this King Steve everybody's been telling me so much about.  
_  
  
  
His eyes searched for Steve, like they always did, in a sea of people that didn't give a shit that he was. Nobody here was asking about their former king. He had faded into the background. Not for Billy though. 

  
  
Just like a daydream he found Steve standing by the punch bowl. He stopped breathing for a second when Steve's eyes caught his. There was no Wheeler to interrupt them or anybody getting in the way. Nobody else mattered.

  
  
”I’m gonna catch you guys later.” Billy watched Tommy nod as he swapped spit with Carol. His hands were waving him away and Billy couldn’t get out of there quick enough.  
  


  
The moment he reached the punch bowl he saw Steve grimace at something. He let out a chuckle at his disgust and it earned him a look he couldn't figure out. At least not really. 

”Ya never know what that could be. Last time somebody puked in the punch. Goddamn hicks have no manners.” Billy winked at Steve who playfully scoffed. “I didn’t expect to see you here though. You barely come to these things anymore."  
  
  
  
Steve shrugged but there was a sadness there. “People are almost expecting me to reclaim my crown, be who I used to be. Now I just don’t have much interest in being king anymore. It's not all it cracked up to be."  
  
  
  
_Would he think the same if we -_

"Well if being king doesn't matter anymore, what do you have interest in?"

  
  
"Somebody sounds eager to know."  
  
  
  
_I'm more than eager._

  
  
  
Bodies started flinging themselves around to the song playing in the background. Billy and Steve were the only ones standing still like somebody pressed pause. All that he wanted to do was lean in. _If this was California, I would. I'd take him to any bedroom and worship him on my knees._

It was like Steve was reading his mind because he was looking at him with curious eyes. "Do you wanna get outta here? Go for a drive?"  
  
  
  
"Yeah, this party sucks." _I'd go anywhere with you._

 _  
  
_They left just in time to escape the terrible dancing and music that Billy wanted to erase from his memory. Billy was almost giddy, l o v e-drunk if you will, from the idea that Steve wanted to go somewhere with him. He licked his lips and hopped into the Camaro and got her started up. Steve was already driving off in his beemer and that felt like an invitation to follow him. And Billy did. Not because he was bored though. He'd simply follow Steve anywhere if he let him. 

  
  
Billy kept up with Steve's weird pace and after what felt like a long drive, they ended up stopping in a lone parking lot. The kind of places that people in a town like Hawkins would get murdered at. Billy parked and tapped his wheel to the rhythm of something playing in his head.   
  
  
  
He was interrupted when he heard Steve tapping on his window. Billy reached over to unlock the passenger door to let him in. The cold invited itself in like a dog and quickly left when Steve shut the door. Billy still found himself not comfortable with the bitter weather Hawkins had. He wasn't used to a lot of things. The desire in his gut was one example.   
  
  
  
The way that Steve laid his head back made Billy gulp. _So beautiful.  
  
  
  
_"You really like to stare, don't you?" Steve's voice was tender and playful, it made Billy melt.  
  
  
  
Billy put on his smoothest voice, the one that's always made people swoon. "Maybe I was. Why? That bother you?"  
  
  
  
"No it doesn't actually."  
  
  
  
Hearing that made Billy turn his head and he found Steve leaning in just a bit more towards him. The air was heavy in the cramped space, Billy's hands were flexing on his thigh, waiting for the courage to move.   
  
  
  
_Think of this like it's a dream. Stop being a goddamn idiot._

Billy unbuckled his seatbelt slowly because he didn't want to seem too eager. From the corner of his eye he saw Steve spread his legs just a bit more. _Look who's eager now._ "Waiting for somethin', King Steve?"  
  
  
  
"Not a king anymore, remember?"  
  
  
  
_Maybe to me you are._  
  
  
  
It took all but a moment or two for Billy to finally lean over. His lips barely brushed Steve's but he felt the shiver where his hand was placed on Steve. "Tell me to and I'll do it."  
  
  
  
"Do what?" Steve chuckled and locked eyes with him to drive home his cheekiness.  
  
  
  
"You're a little shit, Harrington."  
  
  
  
He waited for Steve to nod that it was okay before pressing their lips together. His hands moved to grip to Steve's hair, touching him so tenderly to make up for the violence before. Billy let Steve lick into his mouth, allowed to him to take everything he could possibly give. He felt like he was spinning out of control and losing it in the best possible way.   
  
  
Steve's hands snaked around to touch underneath his red shirt, feeling the small of his back. It took everything in Billy not to moan like he was being touched for the very first time. _This is all I wanted. After the waiting and wanting and starving, I have him. He's with me here._

 _  
  
_They were both breathing heavy when they pulled apart. Billy pressed his forehead to Steve's and breathed out that he'd always wanted this. That he never thought it would happen. And it surprised Billy to hear Steve breathe out a _me too.  
  
  
  
_Hawkins was still no California or anything that came close to it. There was no sand or beaches. He never thought he could cling to anything in a place that drained the life out of him. But now it felt like he really had Steve. Not just moments and daydreams that soothed him. He didn't just have the king, he felt like one with Steve's forehead pressed to his.   
  
  
  
_Finally._

**Author's Note:**

> reminder to continue to redistribute to blk mutuals/loved ones, wear a mask, wave that middle finger @ the orange man, & stay safe during this hell year


End file.
